So, I used to post on the Rants and Raves at Craigslist for State College.

Seriously, people there need to get a life. First off, I have an interesting enough life without having to pretend to be someone else, you fucking pieces of shit. I have better things to do with my life than pretend to be 3 fucking people.

That being said, I'll whip out an old story from the Pornstore.

I had a regular Lot Lizard named Billy. Billy was unique. He had a great paying job, drove a nice car, but would spend his free evenings at Adult World, trying to pick up men.

That's where John comes in.

John was my first "boyfriend." We were in the fourth grade, and nothing would've come of it. I had moved away, and I never saw him again. Until I worked at Adult World, that is.

Funny how people change. He was gay. Now, in the 4th grade, you may not know your sexuality. So I don't feel it's a reflection upon me at all.

So after trash talking me to Adrian (while hitting on him the entire time,) because I had recognized him, to which Adrian kindly let him know that he was my best friend for 10 years. He went back into a booth. In comes Billy, who would periodically check the booths for man meat.

John left with Billy. Billy, who is pretty skeevy. I loved Billy to death, but he'd spend about 3 dollars total per night, and just hang out in the back lot.

*hums "It's a Small World"*

Now, as some of you know, I quit Adult World in June, wanting a raise and not getting one. After being stalked, harrassed, and being one of the only ones to clean the store, I would've thought that even a .25 or .50 cent raise would occur. It's a big company, why wouldn't you give raises?

So I didn't get it, but the fun didn't end.

I was there the other night, visiting Adrian who worked there. I was looking for a magazine with Hilary Scott on it, and this guy came in, and started talking to me. Fine, I used to work there, so I know to chit-chat and be nice.

I moved away, trying to prove my disinterest. He started circling the store, constantly being near me.

Then he left, but he waited outside. Adrian locked the door, because of the guy following me creeped him out.

The guy came up to the door and started pulling on it. He kept pulling and pounding on the glass, and finally gave up and went back to his car. Adrian had me slip out the front, and go around the building. One of my old regular boothers came and walked me to my car, helping me lock the doors quickly.

Adrian then called my phone, warning me the guy was behind me as I pulled away. He had searched the store, not finding me, then walked out, around the building, and saw my car. He approached it, and as he did I had sped away. Adrian said he threw down his cigarette, and peeled out after me.

I drove around for awhile, until I was sure there was no one behind me, and went back to the store for the magazine I had forgotten. The guy wasn't there, and I left quickly.

I was on the Scotty and Alex Show on 94.1 WYSP Philadelphia.

So I haven't been updating, but I've been so busy. It's been hectic.

So I bought one of the booby cake pans we sell at work and made Scotty a cake. Not sure if he'll eat it, but it was funny enough.

So the other day, my COUSINS come into work. Oh my God, this is ABSOLUTELY mortifying. Chuck looks at me, and says "I know you," And I was waiting to hear on myspace or something, and he says, "Kelly? Remember me, I'm Chuck." And the woman he was with said, "I'm cousin Gail, Uncle Daniel's daughter."

Shoot me.

I have been really bad about updating. Life just got hectic.

So I have a few stories to share.

I managed to offend a tranny, 4 times over. It's gotten so bad between the tranny and everyone in the store that my co-worker Lou and I almost get into fist fights with her. I didn't hand her a plastic bag (her boyfriend paid, he gets the bag. End of discussion) and she goes ballistic and starts saying I'm discriminating against her because she's a tranny. SAY WHAT?!!?

So the other day, I look at her and say, after dealing with her for over half an hour "Man, I feel like a woman." She went off! Then she started saying that she looked better than me, and she wasn't even born my gender to which my reply was, "At least I didn't have to pay for my tits."

She looked like she was about to jump over the counter.

On another gender bending note:

This guy comes in. He looks sort of like Peter Boyle (He played Ray Romano's father in Everybody Loves Raymond,) except he had boobs and was wearing these girly, skin tight pants. He asked for change, went into a window booth, and I wanted to vomit.

Ew.

What a weird day. A lamp post was leaning into the powerlines, some guy was asking people for a ride, and had been stuck at work with my manager for 6 hours, and the owner's car was parked outside from the beginning of my shift to the end, and he never came in. How scary.

So for those of you who know, I give excuses as to why I can't hook up with these people or date them. Here are my excuses, none of which are true:

1) I'm engaged (usually comes with the wedding date of October 31st)
2) I took a vow of celibacy
3) I have a boyfriend
4) I'm a lesbian
5) I have herpes
6) I'm pregnant (sometimes DOESN'T deter them)
7) I'm only into blood letting. I'll do them if they let me slit them open.

So I want to tell the story of the man and the blow up doll:

This guy comes in, and he's looking at the dolls. He brings up one of pornstar Jesse Jane, and puts it on the counter and says, "I want this one, but I want to buy an outfit for it." So I take it out of the box, making sure the pumps are there and that the vibrating bits work. He comes over, and starts stroking her hair as he puts the outfit down.

I go to put her in the box, and he shakes his head no. So I put the bag in the box, and he carries her out, deflated, like his new bride.

Ew.

Wow... definately time to cover some ground:

The drag queens haven't been coming in recently, but some other weird people have.

I yelled at the guy who pisses in the cup at work. He hasn't come back on my shift, and hasn't peed in any cups on anyone elses. I think because he fears my wrath... I wasn't a happy girl.

Pete (Vaselineman) came in a few times. I gave him one last shot (He had already messed up the booths, and Carl had left. I would have to clean it up, so I just let him stay.) He tried to come in the other day, and here is how the conversation went.

Me: You can't go back into the booths on my shift. Only on Carl's, you know that.
Pete: It's been changed.
Me: No it hasn't.
Pete: Well fuck you. *slams door*

Yeah. Isn't that pleasant?

I got my manager to sing "I'm too sexy." Funny, but scary at the same time.

Carl hired someone else, and the kid didn't even show up. I feel bad for Carl, because he's still pulling the double shift, and I'm pulling a shift and a couple hours over on the weekends.